so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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