I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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