i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
