I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
