Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
