My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
