so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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