If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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