do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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