and i looked up. we had an audience...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't deserve a penis
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
