OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm really busy with my period
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