So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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