So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
