he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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