Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
