Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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