Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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