So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
