I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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