quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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