i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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