Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
