Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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