I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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