I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
