"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
