hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
