SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
