awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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