guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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