apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
