Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
