none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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