It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
