I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
