We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
