The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
