It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
