You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
True college students do jello shots in the library
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
