I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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