Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
