Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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