Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
