So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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