i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
