He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
