Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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