I love black thongs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hippo gnu deer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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