are you so shy because you have an std?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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