Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
