I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
