R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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