New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
