We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
