i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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