My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
