Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
