so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
