Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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