making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
